Jackhammer Jackie was her name and ham-fisted, mind-blowing hand jobs were her game.  Sure, giving a hand job through bars ain’t easy -unless you’re in the slammer for life and get lots and lots of practice.  No, I ain’t jealous of the dicks that got tossed before mine.  Everyone’s entitled to feel some loving when their alone.  Jackie just hadn’t met me yet.  In many ways I should be thankful she was able to perfect her art on lesser men before me.

prison_bars.jpgJackie and I met through Martha -this fat broad that did time in chino but got out after the cop who put her away was dirtified.  Lining his pockets with the criminal wallpaper if you fuck my gist.  Anygay, she serves up ribs over at Richard’s Ribs in Kirkwood.  Fucking delicious by the way.  We got to talking and I got to mentioning my love of hand jobs and how hard it was to find a whore who could rub out a good one.  She just laughed…and giggled.  Turns out she met this girl in prison named Jackhammer Jackie who could never get into women but LOVED and I mean just LOVED jerking off men.  Too good to be true?

Fuck no.  After a few letters back forth to authenticate her authenticity I followed her given path to a dirty prison guard.  Yea, visitors don’t get the herky jerky because of that asshole glass between them and the incarcerated.  So you have to meet her disguised as a prison guard.  Man, I’m getting a chub just writing about it. 

The first time I was standing in front her cell I have to admit, I was worried.  For one fucking thing I couldn’t see her.  It was after lockdown, all dark and shit.  And then all of a sudden WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK and I was done…almost passed out from the ecstasy of the whole ordeal.  I fell over backwards and knocked my head against the prison floor.  FUCK!  That fucking hurt.  Jackie started laughing and a love was born.  She whispered through the bars…”you have a small prick but it was shaped good”.

Now, I’m not a hording kind of guy and if you’re like me you’ve been looking for a girl like Jackie.  You might even be singing to yourself right now, “Wish that I had Tom Buffalo’s girl…where do I find a prison bitch like that!”  And brother, if you show up at Richard’s Wednesday nights we’ll see what we can do.

Tom Buffalo rating: 10 out of 10 hand jobs