That's a false-equivalency, Ann.

I am pretty fed up with sharks these days. Just look at how smug they look. They’re probably the smuggest of the ocean’s pelagic species. Bill Maher has nothing on the smuggery of sharks.

Sharks are eating people up a lot this year. From the Red Sea to New Zealand, these fish bastards are capitalizing on our altruistic accomplishments of the past few years, protecting them and making us ‘understand their plight’.

So be it. We should protect them. They are endangered, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t aquatic douchebags with teeth.

What are we to do?

We create a new extreme sport. And I have.

I humbly submit: Sharkfuckers! That’s right, crazy pot-smoking, radical dudes diving into shark-infested waters and seeking out a cloaca or two. Scoring is simple – if you don’t get eaten, you win! If two guys don’t get eaten, they both win!

I think this will take the wind out of those fishy assholes’ sails.

And remember rape is never funny unless it involves a shark.