Dear Super Fun Patrol,

I hate the mall. The mall scares me. It’s the bright lights, the mass of people and the security guards that just make me shiver. Now, the mall parking lot is just fine –especially at night. I enjoy the quiet and the darkness. So why is it so shocking when I approach people coming out of the mall and offer to buy their gifts from them? I offer good money for what they’ve purchased. I’m sure in some cases they could turn a profit! But every time I’m turned away rudely.

This has gone on for weeks and I can’t get my darn shopping done. Tonight I approached a young lady in the east county mall parking lot and offered her $50 for the items in the bag she was carrying. I think the bag was from WaldenBooks or something. My mother loves books and enjoys a good murder mystery. Long story short, the girl called me a “creep” and got in her car and drove away. Just like that! I mean, come on? Right now I’m sitting outside her house in my car and I think she DID buy a murder mystery. Have you ever heard of the Da vinny Code? It’s hard to see the book title through her window even with my high powered binoculars. Anyway, I’m going to knock on her door and see if she’s changed her mind.

Just wanting people to get in the holiday spirit,
Gape Poppi