Ed McMahon’s Ashes To Be Put Inside Of Football…

…and thrown into the sun by football superstar Jim McMahon. Jim had these words to say before the hail mary pass at the solar system, “The Packers have lots of owners nobody knows instead of one owner who doesn’t know...

Graphics are for pussies! Zork!

X Box 360 and Wii are an enemy of literacy. I blame these modern gaming systems for the rising illiteracy rate in the U.S. and possibly… the world. If people had to read to navigate the sprawling underground labyrinth of Zork, you might find more students in the...

Plaxico Is Covered

I pulled up the specs on the .40 Glock Plaxico Burress was carrying when he shot himself in the leg recently. If you scan the specs to the last piece of information, it explains everything. “3 Safeties.” Plax is so used to double coverage, he figured 3...

Huckabee Summons Juiblex With The Brown Note

In a recent trip to a grade school music class in South Carolina, Huckabee successfully played the brown note.  From the asses of 528 third graders came Juiblex, The Faceless Lord.  Rising up into a pudding of darkness he squirted to Huckabee.  What is thy bidding? ...

Atomic Warning

I was watching “The Hills Have Eyes” last night and that got me thinking about the possibility of atomic attack, and an even greater possibility of mutants worshipping the bomb in an ape infested planet.  So I picked up a recent copy of the St. Louis...