Paul Alamo review: Open mic night at Off Broadway

    Curious about unknown St. Louis musicians?  Curious about homeless people?  Good, then you can see their convergence at Off Broadway Thursday nights.  Be careful though -I'm pretty sure everyone that showed up was there to play.  Since you're probably smart enough NOT to drag your favorite folksy instrument (guitar, mandolin, gut bucket etc) they'll pick you out of the crowd easily.  After being identified as outsider you'll be robbed.  After getting robbed you'll probably smell like urine which is a typical symptom of a hobo assault.
   
    Are these people talentless?  Why can't they just play a regular show?  I don't know man.  I guess it depends on how you define talent.  Do you enjoy songs about getting high?  Getting dumped?  Atomic  coffee?  I can honestly say that I heard a song about coffee that broke my heart.  It also confused me and ran about 7 minutes too long.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it.  Just keep in mind that I enjoy crappy things A LOT.  Ever listen to our show?  Now you get it.
   
    My favorite act was what looked like a 40 something MILF and her golem like 30 something boyfriend/husband.   Her folksy guitar melodies were peppy and well written.  Her wailing, scratchy off-key vocals gave me the runs.  Literally, I had to shit right in the middle of their first song.  No warning beforehand and no strange meals for dinner...had to be her.  The dude/drummer was good but made of stone.  I swear he didn't blink once.  Nor did he smile.  Drumming to him must have been what early 20th century coal mining was to Chinese immigrants.  Had to be done and done well but not one second of it was enjoyable and their lungs turned black after a few weeks.   
   
    The next best act included 3 dudes with incredible mustaches.  Their singer sounded and looked like a short and plump Mariah Carey.  Yes, the mustaches stole the show.  They played the kind of music you'll hear in hell.  Folk music with Mariah Carey singing?  What else would they play in hell?  Creed?  Maybe. 

    Now I know what you're thinking, why was I there?  Am I a homeless folk musician?  In a word, yes.  Difference being I have a home and I don't play folk music.  Perhaps that's why the group of guys I got up to play with kind of sucked.  We stumbled through a couple of tunes and then immediately bolted.  I think I heard a few people clap after we played...or was it just people breathing?  VERY hard to say.  

    Is this Thursday night open mic night worth going to?  God yes.  Don't be a fool.  Milfs?  Mariah Carey?  Mustaches?  Folk mus...scratch that.  Ignore the fact that its mostly folk music.  I highly recommend this endeavor.  Off Broadway is a great club with a nice wide open room and good sound.  All asshole observations deferred really because everyone was quite nice and accommodating.  Even after we left a stink in the place.  Quit denying yourself fun!

 Paul Alamo beard rating: 9 (out of 12 give or take a few beards)

Local St. Louis musicians