Why are there still Chiclets?

Chiclets are so crappy that this is the OFFICIAL Chiclets image from Cadbury Adams. There's a hair in the picture! Chiclets matter so little to their manufacturer that they didn't even waste an additional frame of film for a beauty shot.

"What's next, Chiclets? *BLAM* One frame - that's it. Get the Mike 'n' Ikes, I don't have all day."

I suspect it's Clarence Thomas' pube.

Taste: There are a jillion flavors of Chiclets. Flavors that last as long as 5 entire seconds. After you crunch through the sugary gum-crust, it's pretty much just a teeny-tiny lump of unflavored gum-base.

Experience: Who chews gum this small? Is this gum for squirrels or Verne Troyer? Is that a big enough demographic?

Price: At first the price, fifty-cents, seems pretty reasonable until you realize that you have to chew the entire box at once to have a decent-sized peice of gum. Fifty cents for one piece of gum? That can make you angry. In fact, Fifty-Cent took his name from his hatred of Chiclets. 

Packaging: It comes in a box with a window. A window with no plastic covering. Where has this box been? You might as well pick up a penny from the bathroom floor and put that in your mouth. It also comes in gumball machines where a quarter gives you a handfull of gum. Once again, you don't know where they have been - has a penis been among your gum? Maybe. Plus you have to chew all of it at the same time - you have no choice. There's probably hair in it too because 99% of the time these machines are in barber shops.

Verdict: Please stop making Chiclets.