Paul Alamo review "Living in the moment"

Disappointed with the current direction my life was taking -paying bills, working, bathing, working and paying bills I decided to, as they say, "live in moment" for a period of one day.  The reasoning behind this decision was simple -if you hang around someone who is impulsive, reckless and blind to consequences it's impossible not to notice their rampant happiness. 

Curious to see if this would work for me I decided to wake up last Monday with only one priority.  That priority was to DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO NO MATTER WHAT.

So, here is a run down of my day:

7:00 am: I wake up, throw alarm clock across the room

11:03 am: I wake up for real this time, promptly masturbate

11:08 am: Get myself a bowl of cereal and a beer.  Turn on G4TV.

12:30 pm: Crack open my 4^th beer.  Apparently drinking beer and watching G4TV is what I really want to do during the day.

12:49 pm: Jerk off again 

12:56 pm: Eat all of the lunch meat in the fridge.  Fuck sandwiches, I'm pulling the slices out of packages by hand and stuffing them into my mouth.  I eat 4 slices of American cheese. 

1:10 pm: Now I'm into the whiskey.  I take a few swigs and throw the bottle...whiskey burns my mouth.

1:45 pm: I'm driving to Walgreen's to get some prescription drugs.  I'm really in the mood for Vicadin

2:15 pm: I try to get behind the counter at Walgreen's but the pharmacist is strong and threatens to call the police.  I walk to the front of the store and buy the biggest bottle of Dramamine I can find.  In the parking lot I throw down about 6 pills.

2:30 pm: I stop by a local bar and order a beer and 3 shots of Vodka.

3:15 pm:  After 2 rounds I'm very, very sleepy.  I tell the bar tender that my family was just killed in a car accident.  He says he's really sorry - I tell him to fuck off because he's white.  I also tell him I was lying about my family getting killed.  I throw my beer glass at him...I miss. 

3:18 pm: I'm now getting the shit beat out of me in the parking lot by the bartender and some other guy.  I have to pee so I start pissing myself.  Good news: They stop beating me.  Bad news: I smell like pee.

5:00 pm: I wake up in my car with my pants down.  I'm still in the bar's parking lot. Now I'm in the mood for Ghostbusters

5:30 pm: I drive to the local movie plex -they aren't showing Ghostbusters.  I try to convince them to show it by telling them that my family was just killed in a car wreck.  Doesn't work.  I buy some popcorn and masturbate in the men's room. 

6:35 pm: Hit a tree with my car.  Luckily it's right outside my house.  My wife comes running outside screaming...I tell her I want a divorce but first she needs to wash my pants.  She gets in her car and leaves...says something about wanting to leave me anyway. 

6:45 pm: I shit in my wife's cedar chest.

6:50 pm: Police at the front door.  I don't feel like spending the night in jail so I grab the half empty bottle of whiskey on the floor and run out the back door. 

7:45 pm: I'm under my neighbor's porch and the whiskey is just about gone...this sucks and I'm cold.  I try to masturbate but it isn't happening.  I scream into the darkness...nothing.    

9:00 pm: Finally back home again and I'm not feeling well but luckily, no police to be seen.  I turn on G4 and puke on the carpet.    Must of passed out soon after. 

So would this way of life work for me all the time?  No, I don't think so.  Consequences tended to force themselves on me regardless.  Like the physical beating and the divorce.  Still, I think its good advice to everyone to abuse more substances and masturbate when the feeling hits.  You only get to live this life once.

Paul Alamo rating: 7.5 out of 10.