Huckabee to Harness Power of Eclipse

By Gallows Pole on February 20, 2008 10:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Refusing to concede the Republican Presidential campaign to Sen. John McCain, former Gov. Mike Huckabee has taken a turn many have not expected. Turning away from his deep, Christian faith, Huckabee declared that on the night of Feb. 20, 2008, he will offer a sacrifice to the ancient moon god Naana in exchange for greater political power.

"Down South, we have a sayin'," said Huckabee, "When the goin' gets tough, the tough offer a virgin to the blood moon." Huckabee then proceeded to cover a 16 year old Bible study student with lamb's blood, reading passages from Leviticus aloud, while Dimmu Borgir played in the background.

"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu Rl'yeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! Ia! Ia! Naana!" Huckabee then shouted over the bloody virgin as she was splayed across a concrete altar while wearing soiled robes.

Kickin It ministries head Nyce Anderson was on the scene, reporting for Super Fun Patrol. He had this to say about the proceedings: "Well I don't exactly agree with worshiping a Babylonian moon god, but it sure beats having some socialist, evolutionist Democrat from reaching the White House."