A plea, for Satan

By Paul Alamo on December 22, 2006 10:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I’m not a Christian (I’m a scientologist). If I were a Christian wouldn’t I have an obligation to show mercy towards the dark prince? Isn’t that what Christianity and Christmas are all about? And what day of the year does Satan hate the most? Christmas of course! It’s the time of year when everyone is filled with cheer and happiness abounds. It’s also a time for families of great loathing to come together and receive the gift of consumerism. All this joy is like a love drill boring into Beelzebub’s noggin. Don’t you want everyone to be happy? How can you ignore the duke of despair?

So Christians, this Christmas give old Satan a break and embrace a bit of wrongdoing. Here’s a list of simple evil acts to cheer him up:

1. Steal something. Anything.
2. Forget to salt the walkway to your front door
3. Undercook that burger
4. Fall asleep right after YOUR done
5. Use sulfuric acid in the litter box instead of sand
6. Don’t say “thank you” or “please” the next 5 years
7. Murder your insurance agent
8. Take the Lord’s name in vain every time you blink
9. Make arguments for more troops in Iraq
10. Stop acknowledging that people have feelings and treat them as means to an end

Satan, "Christmas sucks"