Recently in 02b. Sag Category
A Saurian invader was captured earlier today by SFP agents. The Reptoid quickly made a brief change into celebrity Conan O'Brien when attempts to seduce SFP agents as Academy Award winning actress Tilda Swinton weren't yielding results. It appears that this particular Reptoid was only capable of gender change. Saurians have not only infiltrated our world leaders, they are firmly in control of news agencies and television networks all over the world. The alien is being held at an undisclosed SFP facility. The creature is definitely not at Sag's apartment chained up inside his storage space.
Reptilian humanoids are the force behind a worldwide conspiracy directed at manipulation and control of humanity. Most of the world's leaders are in fact related to the 7-foot (2.1 m) tall, blood-drinking, shape-shifting reptilians from the star system Alpha Draconis.World renowned scientist David Icke claims, based on his exploration of genealogical connections to European royalty, that many presidents of the United States have been and are reptilian humanoids. In his view, United States foreign policy after September 11 is the product of a reptilian conspiracy to enslave humanity, with George W. Bush as a servant of the reptilians. He also theorizes that the reptilians came to Earth from the constellation Draco, as opposed to John Rhodes, of the Reptoids Research Center, who reports that the majority of reptilians appear to be of Earth origin and that they may have outposts in various planetary systems and or dimensions.
"The Andrew Jackson"
Throwing the clothes of your "one night stand" (that you met at a keg party) out in the lawn in order to trick them into leaving. When they eventually go out into the lawn to gather them, you lock the door.
Jackson invited the public to attend the White House ball honoring his first inauguration. The crowd became so large that Jackson's guards could not hold them out of the White House. The crowd had become so raucous that the attendants poured punch in tubs and put it on the White House lawn to lure people out of the White House. This was the first time that a President invited the public to attend the inaugural ball.
"Old Hickory"
Getting punched continually in the face by a Cherokee (and taking it) while having mad donkey sex with a married woman.
In all, more than 45,000 American Indians were relocated to the West during Jackson's administration. After his election he signed the Indian Removal Act into law in 1830. Jackson and Rachel Robards were married in 1791. Two years later they learned that the divorce from Rachel's previous marriage had never actually been finalized, making Rachel's marriage to Jackson illegitimate. After the divorce was officially completed, Rachel and Jackson re-married in 1794. During the election, Jackson's opponents referred to him as a "Jackass." Jackson liked the name and used the jackass as a symbol for a while, but it died out. However, it later became the symbol for the Democratic Party when cartoonist Thomas Nast popularized it.
Throwing the clothes of your "one night stand" (that you met at a keg party) out in the lawn in order to trick them into leaving. When they eventually go out into the lawn to gather them, you lock the door.
Jackson invited the public to attend the White House ball honoring his first inauguration. The crowd became so large that Jackson's guards could not hold them out of the White House. The crowd had become so raucous that the attendants poured punch in tubs and put it on the White House lawn to lure people out of the White House. This was the first time that a President invited the public to attend the inaugural ball.
"Old Hickory"
Getting punched continually in the face by a Cherokee (and taking it) while having mad donkey sex with a married woman.
In all, more than 45,000 American Indians were relocated to the West during Jackson's administration. After his election he signed the Indian Removal Act into law in 1830. Jackson and Rachel Robards were married in 1791. Two years later they learned that the divorce from Rachel's previous marriage had never actually been finalized, making Rachel's marriage to Jackson illegitimate. After the divorce was officially completed, Rachel and Jackson re-married in 1794. During the election, Jackson's opponents referred to him as a "Jackass." Jackson liked the name and used the jackass as a symbol for a while, but it died out. However, it later became the symbol for the Democratic Party when cartoonist Thomas Nast popularized it.
Mahmud Ahmadinejad, I'm going to cut you in half and take that nuke program to the holy pit.
Crack open a Hamm's, have some pork chops, watch the Indy 500 and remember the soldiers.
It was absolutely amazing. It was everything it should be. Insane visuals, cartoon physics, crazy action, hot anime women, fast cars... With the exception of one downer. The "hit you over the head" moment because of the inability of the audience to live in suspense of the identity of Racer X. Do we really need everything spelled out for us? Is there any room for speculation any more? How about mystery?
Fuck you, American public and fuck you, to the producers that are slaves to the American public!
Here is my audience critique. There were a bunch of kids so it was fucking annoying, but I'm willing to cut some slack because it is a kids movie. I do have to comment on this one instant. Spritle flipped another character off before stepping into an elevator. I heard a kid exclaim immediately: "What does that mean!?!" The father said: "It is not for you to know about."
So here is what I don't understand. Computer animated kids movies = gold right?
Chicken Little - 135 million
Finding Nemo - 339 million
Happy Feet - 198 million
Speed Racer's 2nd week totals are almost to 30 million. It cost 120 million to make that mother fucker. What the hell is wrong with you people? 120 million? Really? I know there was a monkey and a lot of explosions, but come on guys. Where the hell is the audience? I thought all you had to do is make an animated feature and it was 100 million guaranteed?
For people who are Speed Racer fans in the first place, this movie gets 4 and a half "dicks in the ass"® out of 5 asses. It would have gotten 5 "dicks in the ass"® if not for the Racer X reveal.
Go out and see it. Don't let "Happy Feet" trump "Speed Racer".
Fuck you, American public and fuck you, to the producers that are slaves to the American public!
Here is my audience critique. There were a bunch of kids so it was fucking annoying, but I'm willing to cut some slack because it is a kids movie. I do have to comment on this one instant. Spritle flipped another character off before stepping into an elevator. I heard a kid exclaim immediately: "What does that mean!?!" The father said: "It is not for you to know about."
So here is what I don't understand. Computer animated kids movies = gold right?
Chicken Little - 135 million
Finding Nemo - 339 million
Happy Feet - 198 million
Speed Racer's 2nd week totals are almost to 30 million. It cost 120 million to make that mother fucker. What the hell is wrong with you people? 120 million? Really? I know there was a monkey and a lot of explosions, but come on guys. Where the hell is the audience? I thought all you had to do is make an animated feature and it was 100 million guaranteed?
For people who are Speed Racer fans in the first place, this movie gets 4 and a half "dicks in the ass"® out of 5 asses. It would have gotten 5 "dicks in the ass"® if not for the Racer X reveal.
Go out and see it. Don't let "Happy Feet" trump "Speed Racer".
"The John Quincy Adams"
Being unreasonably (but successfully) cock-blocked on your wedding night.
"Tariff of Abominations"
The final bill at an incredibly expensive Asian massage parlor.
Being unreasonably (but successfully) cock-blocked on your wedding night.
In his first annual message to Congress, Adams presented an ambitious program for modernization that included roads, canals, a national university, an astronomical observatory, and other initiatives. He was a leading opponent of the Slave Power and had a generous policy toward Native Americans. He also took the Oath of Office on a book of laws, instead of the more traditional Bible.
Obviously all Americans hated him (because he seems pretty reasonable) and he never got anything through congress.
Obviously all Americans hated him (because he seems pretty reasonable) and he never got anything through congress.
"Tariff of Abominations"
The final bill at an incredibly expensive Asian massage parlor.
The Tariff of 1828, also known as the Tariff of Abominations, enacted on May 19, 1828, was a protective tariff passed by the U.S. Congress. It was labeled the "Tariff of Abominations" by its Southern detractors. The goal of the tariff was to protect industry in the northern United States from competing European goods by increasing the prices of European products.
"At first a peek, meesa thoughta the sealo was killing the pengy wengy. Why the sealo attempto to have 'turkey stuff' sexy with the pengy wengy is no clear".
An Antarctic fur seal has been observed trying to have sex with a king penguin.
"The scientists who photographed the event speculate that it was the behaviour of a frustrated, sexually inexperienced young male seal. Equally, it might be been an aggressive, predatory act; or even a playful one that turned sexual. The 100kg seal first subdued the 15kg penguin by lying on it. The penguin flapped its flippers and attempted to stand and escape - but to no avail. The seal may have been frustrated in its attempts to find a partner. The seal then alternated between resting on the penguin, and thrusting its pelvis, trying to stuff the turkey, unsuccessfully. After 45 minutes the seal gave up, swam into the water and then completely ignored the bird it had just assaulted, the scientists report."
"The James Monroe"
Scoring with a well-tanned retiree.
"The Monroe Doctrine"
An agreement to pimp a relative, but not allowing them to entertain clients in your house.
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