Here’s what’s happening in the world of things that are for pussies:

Some jackass swimmer ate some ‘roids:

Let me check – yep, swimming is for pussies.

The Supreme Court (where men wear dresses, by the way) ruled against the EPA and a bunch of patchuli-stank hippies all hugged:

Hi, I’m Al Gore! Please don’t hit me! Also give me a sandwich!

iTunes & EMI go DRM free! I don’t know what any of that wuss shit means, but I’m pretty sure someone somewhere is crying:

This is the tiny box where I keep my testicles.

It was April Fool’s Day yesterday. I’ll bet there’s a lot of mama’s boys out there with black eyes after trying to pull a “funny joke” on someone. Then they wet the bed.

I hate April Fool’s Day. So here’s something that isn’t funny at all. It’s Millard Fillmore.

Earlier today I watched my neighbor try to mow his lawn, but he couldn’t start his mower because he’s a vegetarian. It was a good 30 minutes of laughs. They should put THAT on television.

There’s a bunch of other nancy crap going on, but I’m watching Sportscenter.

This was brought to you by a real man: Burt Fucking Reynolds