Yeah, I'm sexy. Now let me chop off your wiener with my machetelegs.

Amputees have better and better options for not just living a normal life, but a near superhuman one, thanks to great advances in carbon fiber prosthetic limbs. Runners with these limbs regularly trump normal speedsters, and some amputees have actually returned to active duty military service after losing legs and arms in Iraq and Afghanistan. Therefore it’s compelling why these two great things haven’t been put together. Come on, get with the future here! If we can make robotic arms capable of using the severed nerves of the hand to actually feel and articulate, and running legs granting Olympian speed to those who’d be in a wheelchair without them, then it’s time to go full-on transhumanist! We’ve got the ability, we’ve got the government contracts, so we know what is expected here:

Gunlegs.

This really hurts my legs, actually.

That’s right. Gunlegs. Legs with guns on them. Guns that are legs. Grant soldiers the ability to not just march over any terrain, wade through deep, muddy water, and climb over perilous obstacles, but to also lift their feet up and blow away what waits on the other side. It’s serving a huge benefit – injured warriors return to the battlefield with legs that bear more weight and run faster than their former, human legs lost in war. They can then double those limbs into semiauto and fully automatic rifles, complete with scopes. A man need only sit comfortably, feet outstretched, a rifle camera delivering video remotely to an eyepiece, where the soldier can acquire a target and fire. Need to bring in light artillery? Cannonlegs. Want to shoot down enemy planes? AAAlegs. Zombie hordes? Shotgunlegs. The possibilities are endless. Jetlegs. Bazookalegs. Axelegs. Hammerlegs. Dozens of uses can be fabricated onto prosthetics, enabling utility, durability and ready application. In fact it should now be mandatory that to join the military, you must surrender your legs and have sets of legs issued to you in accordance with your MOS, rate or AFSC (That’s a code for the job you do in the military, civilian folks). Divers get propellerlegs, Paratroopers get parachutelegs, Aerial gunners get Howitzerlegs, and admin troops get, um, desklegs. The world’s first transhuman armed forces. That’ll scare the shit out of those terrorists.