Cross Fit. It was made up by a bunch of special forces guys who decided that doing tons of pull-ups followed by random, high rep exercises with barbells and crunches constituted a good work out. Because you see, you haven’t truly worked your muscles or toned your abs until you’ve thrown up. Literally.

Here’s a sample of a usual Cross Fit workout routine:

1. Run .5 mi

2. Do 3 sets of 50 squats.

3. Run another .5 mi

4. Do 4 sets of 30 lunges.

5. Run .5 mi again.

6. Do the squats once more.

7. Guess what? More running.

8. Do more lunges. Vomit. Repeat steps 1-8 for another 50 minutes.

Cross Fit is the gym rat’s answer to bulimia. Basically all the muscleheads decided Tracey Gold and Karen Carpenter shouldn’t have all the fun of launching their lunches. So they combined the joy of purging with the sweat of doing far more body weight and strength training exercises than what are necessary, for a total body work out that results in two things: complete muscle failure (That’s how you build mass and tone, folks!) and vomiting. See you get to lose plenty of weight in Cross Fit – shedding 20 lbs in a month is not unheard of – but that weight comes by way of losing barrels of water through sweating, and not being able to keep any food down. It ties it all together. Now you can be thin, toned, do more chin-ups than anyone would ever humanly need to do in any possible situation you can imagine, and capture the essence of Paris’ best names evoking heroin chic. And you get to do it while wearing Old Navy track gear.