Escherichia Coli. You had some bad Taco Bell and you are on the toilet this Christmas? Well there isn’t anything else you would rather cuddle up with than the E. coli microbe. Infection with E. coli often leads to bloody diarrhea, and occasionally to kidney failure. Eating meat, especially ground panda, that has not been cooked sufficiently to kill E. coli can cause infection. Contaminated meat looks and smells just like your mother. The number of organisms required to cause disease is very small. Among other known sources of infection are consumption of sprouts, lettuce, spinach, hot wheels, salami, unpasteurized milk, Barbies and juice, and by swimming in or drinking sewage-contaminated water.

The Ebola Virus. Since its discovery in 1976, Ebola has become the T. Rex of microbes. Share the love! The virus is named after the Ebola River in the African nation-state of the Democratic Republic of the Congo (formerly Zaïre), near the site of the first outbreaks. Thank you Africa! You’ll find this traditional gift under the Kwanzaa tree. The Democratic Republic of Congo has been the site of four recent outbreaks, including one in May 2005. Ebola is believed to be a zoonotic virus, although despite considerable effort by the World Health Organization, no animal reservoir capable of sustaining the virus between outbreaks has been identified. One possible candidate reservoir is the fruit bat. Guess what kids! The disease can be deadly and encompasses a range of symptoms including vomiting, diarrhea, changes in skin color, general body pain, painful erections, internal and external bleeding, and fever.

Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy. When bovine prions stampede the wrong way, everyone says Moo! (Each doll has its own unique pattern.) Transmission can occur when healthy animals consume tainted tissues from others with the disease. In the brain these proteins cause native cellular prion protein to deform into the infectious state, which then goes on to deform further prion protein in an exponential cascade. This results in protein aggregates, which then form dense plaque fibers, leading to the microscopic appearance of “holes” in the brain, degeneration of physical and mental abilities, and ultimately death. This is a big strike against cannibalistic cows everywhere.

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