When a cop stopped me last Tuesday to ask why I was driving on a rim and ruining the new highway 64 the answer was easy.  I said, “Officer, before I found myself driving my car in this less than ideal condition I was confronted by an untenable situation not 10 minutes earlier.  I should mention that this car is always held to its regular maintenance schedule and is Japanese and everyone knows that Japanese cars are reliable so the likelihood that my choice in make and model contributed to this 3 mile groove in the highway is very, very unlikely.  What did happen was a piece of road garbage made its way into my front tire and shredded it in a violent and intrusive manner while I was driving to work and going at a speed of about 54 miles per hour.  I usually like to keep my speed low to save on gas even though my car is fuel efficient and is in fact much more fuel efficient then a police cruiser which I believe is what you used to pull me over today because I’m driving on a rim.  Because I was late to work and because our tax dollars are obviously not being used properly to keep our highways cleared of debris I found myself needing to not be late to work because that’s my income which is needed to fund various needed costs in my life including this car you see me sitting in now so it was important that I NOT change the tire and delay my arrival at work and in essence be punished by your inability to properly police the highway for debris.  Furthermore I think its quite stupid that the citizenry, which includes myself I will admit, does not hold you to a higher standard which I am in fact doing at this very moment because the highway is now a mess because my rim has been chopping it to pieces because our tax dollars are not used or tracked by the people of this state correctly.”

Dear citizens of Missouri, please stop making my tires flat and causing me to be late to work and/or arrested.

Immediately yours,

Stan Gluemen (NCA Novell Certified Administrator)