(VIA CNN) – On Cape Code, five miles of beaches were shut down when great white sharks were spotted just off shore in Chatham, Massachusetts. Link back to CNN story

Super Fun Patrol Discovers Secret Foes Blacklist Friday, April 30th – Super Fun Patrol, in the midst of searching for our usual, extensive cataloging and downloads of furry hentai, somehow came across a confidential document intended for the eyes of Fox News broadcasters, producers and directors only. Signed by Fox News head Roger Ailes, it [...]

Thomas Cassuto, a French judge, issued an arrest warrant for Landis last month  in connection with a computer hacking case relating to Landis’ 2006 Tour de France victory and subsequent disqualification. Here’s the story in the New York Times. Here’s a story I did about Floyd in 2007. I hope this all gets cleared up [...]

Because of this. (Editor’s note: Poor bastard kittens don’t know this isn’t the Post-Dispatch building. They’re too cute to tell!)

Emboldened by right-wing support stemming from his use of the racial slur, ‘raghead’ at a recent political rally, local baker David McArthur has now released a line of racist cakes. “If the liberal thought police hated that, they are really going to hate my Inside-out-Polack-cake. The icing is on the inside!” His unapologetic attitude continues [...]

http://www.screenjunkies.com/movienews/captain-eo-returning-disneyland I think you owe Sag an apology, Mr. Alamo.

(SFP) — Cletus Wilfong, professional bag of scum, distanced himself today from the Fox News Channel. “I’m a bag of scum floating in a pond full of rotting vegetation and mold. I carry several diseases including ebola and sleeping sickness. But those guys at Fox News take the cake! ” said Wilfong in a surprise [...]

Salt Lake City, Utah Aspiring right-wing nutjob, Skip Planter once again spent the day aspiring to do some right-wing nutjob things. “I’ve got some literature from the Minutemen and I was thinking about joining,” Planter said, “But they have meetings on Wednesdays and I have to take my wife to yoga that day.” The sentiment [...]

http://bit.ly/d9flq

Guess who you should be following on twitter, according to the RFT? Me. Suck on that, Kutcher. LINK LINK LINK

Unaltered (really – I didn’t muck with this) screenshot from https://twitter.com/foxnews – the official Fox News twitter feed.

The most widely seen television program in US history is going on permanent hiatus. Bug Race, seen by nearly every American citizen since the invention of television, has been a staple of family viewing for generations. “I can’t believe it. We’re being canceled,” said the shows long-time producer, “And we’re being replaced by ‘Blue Screen [...]

Milwaukee’s coolest resident, Arthur Fonzarelli, is being investigated for a vast Fonzie scheme that’s been going on as far back as the 1950′s, authorities say. Fonzarelli, or ‘The Fonz’ as he is popularly known has been fooling audiences for years by making it appear that he has magical or even Biblical powers. Whether it’s snapping [...]

Aaaahhhhhgh! There may now be democracy in China, thanks to Axl Rose but that doesn’t mean that the frailties of age still haven’t caught up to the elderly singer. During a concert in Punta Montalban, Axl assumed his famous gorilla-stance and prepared to execute his patented monkey-scream. But due to a lunch of tacos and [...]

In the wake of a marijuana controversy, Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Santonio Holmes was replaced by Barack Obama. Seen here receiving his new number from owner Dan Rooney, Obama smiled and promised change. “What this team needs… is change at wide receiver,” he orated, “We can’t allow more failure in 4-wide-receiver sets.” Obama will be [...]